The Driving Forces Of Ego and Insecurity
Step right up and enter the house of mirrors.
Are you ego-driven and truly believe you are as good as those applauding voices in your head tell you or are you so enmeshed by insecurity that every action you take is based on proving those cruel voices wrong?
Do you even know?
So many people are what I would consider “egomaniacs with inferiority complexes”. Viewing themselves as Gods on Earth, impervious to doing wrong but with one poke of a humility-dipped pin, BAM! They pop like balloons for fear that the underlying constant feeling of being “less-than” is both accurate and affirmed.
What I find is that people often state having a fear of being negatively judged by others when it’s much more likely that they are judging themselves based on their own insecurities through the eyes of others. Projected reflecting, if you will. Basically, if I consider myself to be worthless, you must view me in the same light. Regardless of the fact that I can’t read minds, I have now created that narrative to justify my self-deprecating belief and have no need to ever ask your actual opinion.
“Part of me suspects that I’m a loser, and the other part of me thinks I’m God Almighty.” -John Lennon
Both Ego and Insecurity can be very effective in getting you what you desire both personally and professionally, whether it is striving to prove what you are or what you are not. That internal drive even if fueled by an external locus of control might just work. However, placing such onus on the opinion of others regardless of whether it be ego-stroking praise or self-esteem-crushing criticism, the problem remains the same. The likelihood of finding real peace, or dare I say, happiness becomes difficult.
Ego and Insecurity thrive in isolation and fantasy. Being so controlled by external unknown opinions causes one’s emotional state to shift erratically and frequently trying to prove or protect itself from self-assessed unfounded beliefs. Essentially the heart walks on eggshells attempting to prove it’s right or disprove it’s wrong while the mind anxiously prepares to defend it at all costs.
If as one of my recent favorite authors, Ryan Holiday points out, if ego is the enemy, where is the ally? Simply put and nothing new, the solution is found in acceptance and balance. Accepting who and what we are balancing ego with humility and insecurity with confidence.
3 Ways to Stay Focused on Reality
1. Try not to isolate.
Shame, Self-Loathing, Grandiosity, and Conceit prefer to live and grow in the dark. It’s important to let others in to challenge beliefs when self-assessing one’s worth. Not for the purpose of seeking approval, but as a sounding board or second opinion to stay grounded. Alone time is, in my opinion, essential to emotional stability, but remember that there is a fine line between spending time alone and getting lost in isolation.
2. Practice gratitude often.
Pay attention to and love where you are and what you have. Too often we spend so much time climbing an infinite ladder that we fail to stop and enjoy the view from where we presently are. The problem with being toxically obsessed with more is that no matter how far we get, there will always be more. It’s important to focus on what is had instead of what is not. In the end, you’ll find it was all about time anyway. In my experience, relentlessly chasing more to feel greater than or avoid feeling less than is a dead-end of regret.
3. Be proud of the person you are.
Pride like confidence when tempered properly is motivating, invigorating, and generates a sense of serenity. Find pride in where you came from, where you are today and who you are becoming.
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